WHATEVER THE ECONOMIC or social status of your parents, you are standing now on the heights which their struggles and their labours won for you. You should aspire to be above them, but only because they raised you on their shoulders.

You are called upon by BEYONDISM to break all formulas and spells and charms, and all laws, that sin against Human Nature. If you would truly live, you ought to allow your desires to wax to the uttermost. But when they have grown to their greatest you should have courage and intelligence to minister them, so that they may satisfy all your longings, in the long-run.

The earliest and deepest layer of our PERSONALITY comes from genetics, from the particular way our brains are wired, which predisposes us toward certain moods and preferences. This genetic component can make some people prone to depression, for instance. It makes some people introverts and others extroverts. It might even incline some toward becoming especially greedy — for attention or privilege or possessions. The psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, who studied infants, believed that the greedy and grasping type of child came into the world predisposed toward this character trait. There might be other genetic factors as well that predispose us toward hostility or anxiety or openness.

The particular type of attachments we formed with our mother and caregivers, goes along way in forming our personalities. In these first three or four years our brains are especially malleable. We experience emotions much more intensely, creating memory traces that are much deeper than anything that will follow. In this period of LIFE we are at our most susceptible to the influence of others, and the stamp from these years is profound. The effect is so deep that we have no real conscious awareness of them and the behaviour they compel, unless we expend great effort in examining ourselves.

In Child Care and the Growth of Love (1953), British psychologist John Bowlby (1907 - 1990) argued that a home environment for children is preferable to an institution, and stressed the value of the bond between mother and child. Bowlby asserted: “Among the most significant developments of psychiatry during the past quarter of a century has been the steady growth of evidence that the quality of parental care which a child receives in his earliest years is of vital importance to his future mental health.”

SEVEN therapeautic tonics to loftily LOCATE your LIFE’s BASIC BEARING:

1. BASIC schemas: free/autonomous, dismissing, enmeshed ambivalent, and disorganised, are patterns of attachment between mothers and children discerned by John Bowlby.
2. ESSENTIALLY, the free/autonomous stamp comes from mothers who give their kids freedom to discover themselves, are continually sensitive to their needs, but also protect them.
3. ALL dismissing mothers are often distant, hostile and rejecting. Such children are stamped with a feeling of abandonment and the idea that they must continually fend for themselves.
4. REAL enmeshed-ambivalent mothers are not consistent with their attention; sometimes suffocating and overinvolved, other times retreating because of their own problems or anxieties.
5. INDEED, disorganised mothers send highly conflicting signals to their children, reflecting their own inner chaos and perhaps early emotional traumas. Nothing their children do is right.
6. NOW, the quality of attachment that we had in our earliest years will create deep tendencies within us, in particular the way we use relationships to handle or modulate our stress.
7. GENERALLY, from these earliest years people will display a particular tone to their character - hostile and aggressive, secure and confident, anxious and avoidant, needy and enmeshing.

This explains why, children of the dismissing parent will tend to avoid any kind of negative emotional situation and to wall themselves off from feelings of dependency. They might find it harder to commit to a relationship or will unconsciously push people away. Enmeshed-ambivalent mothers make their children feel as if they have to take care of the person who should be taking care of them. The children of the enmeshed variety will therefore, experience a great deal of anxiety in relationships and will feel many conflicting emotions. They will always be ambivalent toward people, and this will set noticeable patterns in their LIFE in which they pursue people and then unconsciously retreat. Children of disorganised mothers can develop powerful emotional problems.

We can also develop conflicting character traits, perhaps stemming from a difference between our genetic predispositions and our earliest influences, or from parents who stamp in us different values. We might feel both idealistic and materialistic, the two parts fighting within us. The law remains the same. The conflicted character, which is developed in the earliest years, will merely reveal a different kind of pattern, with decisions that tend to reflect a person’s ambivalence, or that swing back and forth.

Internal different behavioural tendencies among family members notwithstanding, you perhaps have noted a streak which cuts across your family which is different from your neighbourhood, or any other family unit you have an intimate knowledge about. Genetic uniqueness may explain this, but the most potent explanation is the family atmosphere as manifested by the relationship between the parents and the children.

Here is BEYONDISM FORMIDABLE FORMULA for SELF-ACTUALIZATION
(The ‘head’ and ‘tail’ of Activating your SELFHOOD) in regard to:
Mitigating the emotional contagion of your parent(s) on your character.

1. FAMILY is a group of closely related persons living under one roof; it is a convenience, often a necessity.
   Core Choice #4: Sometimes it is source of pleasure, sometimes the reverse.
   Sure Score #4: But we must exalt it as admirable, an almost religious ideal.
2. ONLY during pregnancy, and after birth (before 5 yrs), does parents have the biggest influence on kids.
   Solid Stance #4: Take high responsibility for your LIFE, and blame no one.
   Catalysing Consideration #4: Say goodbye to childhood, that unhappy haven.
3. REALLY, blood is thicker than water, and no aspect of human existence is untouched by that psychology.
   Mighty Mission #4: All happy families just resemble one another.
   Vivid Vision #4: Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
4. MOTIVATING you with good advice or putting you on the right path, is only what parents can do to you.
   Gaining Ground #4: The final forming of character lies in your own hands.
   Capturing Clouds #4: So it is vital that you accept only your own “shoulds.”
5. UNIVERSAL objective reality about family is: Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth.
   Lofty Leap #4: Problem children tend to eventually grow up into problem adults.
   Merry Momentum #4: Problem adults tend to produce more problem children.
6. LIVING with kin and kith who are fun to be with, one would be in less danger from the wiles of a stranger.
   Holy Hearken #4: Even if your parents did not fulfill their promises, you can be very promising.
   Divine Distinction #4: Even if your parents were a disappointment to you, ruminate no more.
7. AVOID holding your parents up to contempt; you are their kid; it is possible you may take after them.
   Prudent Planting #4: Whether you were treated in the most ridiculous and least respectable manner.
   Hoped Harvest #4: Whether you perceive yourself as a loathed foetus who has struggled to survive.

#3. To the extent I am conscious of my CHILDHOOD relation,
How can I embark on a sure road to SELF-REALISATION?

Replace ‘pretense’ with your ‘presence’. Be yourself in every moment.
You do not have to wait until you feel “good,” “perfect,” or “enlightened”.
Or wait for something to happen for you to relax into your own being.
You do not need to look at another’s journey, compare, or doubt yourself.
This type of thinking tricks you out of the perfection of you in this moment.
No matter what the situation is, just be yourself and let the rest unfold.
Find that place which is effortlessly at rest within YOU. Be there with it.

#2. I, ___________________________, unregretful of my childhood relationship with my parents, do DECISIVELY DECLARE that, discovering who I AM is no different than opening the door of a house – the house being a metaphor for my mind. It is a great step, I am letting some light in! But does it mean I have visited it thoroughly? Does it necessarily mean I have experienced each room, opened every closet, and even spent some time in the “scary” basement? Perhaps I have quickly peaked in each room, but have I taken the time to explore them fully, meditate in them, open the windows to let some light in, and perhaps do a little clean up? Am I okay with leaving the doors open for me and others to see? The light of my awareness is not limited to entering what is comfortable and acceptable to the mind. It is here to illuminate all rooms – even those dusty closets with all of the old, emotionally charged baggage I have been reluctant to explore. What has laid dormant within each room is often ignored.

In this reference, as a BLESSED BEYONDIST, I hereby, make an ABSOLUTE AFFIRMATION that, the only thing that blocks me from seeing the blessing in letting the wind blow me open is the FEAR of FEELING. When I choose to not be controlled and defined by this fear anymore, I will naturally keep all of my doors open knowing that it cannot break who I AM, but only identifies with old patterns that were limiting my inner-freedom and peace. The intent of this journey is not to ‘feel good,’ but rather to feel what is actually unfolding within me right NOW. In other words, my intent is not to FEEL BETTER, but to get BETTER at FEELING. My authentic state of presence is joyful, harmonious, peaceful and loving.